Zombie High Season 1
by jaymack33
Summary: Jakey the Zombie Slayer's epic journey battling Zombies and being a teen at San Diego High. He has to deal with the pain of loves won and lost and struggling to have a normal life with the promise of Zoronda Princess of the Underworld in the background.
1. Chapter 1

Characters: Jakey "the Zombie Slayer" Autumn, Leslie the Watcher(similar to Wesley and Giles), Zoronda Princess of the Underworld (kind of an Angel like character with my own twists), Zoe Meadows(current love interest for Jakey), Iris Rosenblum (my version of Willow, Zac Owens(my version of Xander), Shannon Ashley (my version of Cordelia and maybe a little Amber and Ashley thrown in there), and The Zombie Overlord( just my own personal top baddie similar to season 1 buffy). 

Zombie High Season 1

By jaymack33

Author's notes- First of all I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or Hanna Montana and get zero compensation for this except for my story to be just as ignored as I was in High School and College. Please don't sue me. Second I kind of wanted to figure out where the Hanna Montana story line was going when Hanna guest starred on the Zombie High show, so I figured why not try to create the show first and then get myself over to that part and maybe try to get some closure over the whole thing. As far as the kissing of Demon Dog hopefully I will figure out how that happened logistically and maybe I'll interject what's going on in Hanna's world in snippet form by the end of my episodes. Jiley forever. In addition this Philly boy is naming Zombie High, San Diego High which I have no idea if there really is such a thing, but I needed a California High School name and I felt that Zombie High is a bad name for a real school. I believe Zombie High is more like the nickname the school will have after all of the Zombie attacks I'll be writing in the future.

Chapter 1- The Pilot Episode

It was a dark chilly night. A happy young teenage couple are giggling licking ice cream cones in the park. But aren't you scared? I mean I know everyone in a cemetary is dead anyway, but it's still kind of creepy, Michael reassured her, relax no one is going to do anything to us here. Everybody is dead. And besides I'll protect you babe. What could possibly happen? Like look behind you Brit ahhh...Brit, jumps into Michael's arms. Oh, you damn it. You made me drop my cone...onto my shirt he finished for her. Why don't you lick it off baby. You wish take me home she said as she turned away sickened by her annoying boyfriend. Crunch...crunch... Bra...Bra...Bra...ains! Ahhhhrrr...Ahhhh... help...crunch...crunch...Hey Mike? Mike where are you? You listen this instant Michael! I swear you better stop this. If you don't come out this instant we are through.. She walks up to a tombstone and sees legs sticking out at the end of it. Nice try Michael, but your not going to get me this time or ever. She pulls at his shoe thinking to shake up her boyfriend and his severed foot comes along with the shoe and she shrieks as a greenish teen figure in a torn Raider's shirt just like her boyfriend lunges at her fade to black and cue in Nerfherder.  
It's the Zombie High show.

And Commercial!

Jakey dribbles the ball, he spins he shoots...2 seconds left on the clock, it's rolling on the rim...teetering...teetering...it's about to score...Yeah, yeah Jakey blah, blah, blah, don't you want to talk about anything besides sports? How about astrophysics, in todays lecture...blah...blah boring Iris, will you give it a break and I had a really good game, why can't I just soak in the vibes of a well played game? Yes, Jakey why not, let me see counting right now, was this the thirteenth or the fourteenth time you told me the story? Well maybe your hoopdreams were interesting at number 7. Maybe as a friend I can humor you at 8 or 9 but 10?...And she loses Jakey at 10 as his green eyes lock with Zoe Meadows deep blue pools of radiance. His dream girl. A 10 indeed! He just eyes her up and down from head to toe at the prettiest girl he'd ever seen right in his school. Every smile every look that she made even at his side of the cafeteria felt like it was just for him. He couldn't breathe, he...Jakey, Jakey? The last time Iris saw that kind of look on someone was when her dog was licking a firehydrant yesterday. How pathetic, what a loser, what a...and then she saw Zac's handsome profile as he took his seat next to Jakey and she sighed. It sucks being in love with someone when your in the friend zone.

Ummm...Jakey? Seeing the mezmerized Jakey still smitten at Zoe, Zac looked over to Iris. So looks like our friend has got the thunderbolt again. No, I think this time it's more serious. Yeah your not kidding. Hey does Jakey know about all of the spitballs in his hair? No. Does he know the straw is in your hand and you have about 6 more balls lined up? No, he doesn't that's how bad he's got it for this chick. I mean I guess she's okay, but I just want my friend back. Jakey just couldn't breathe as he watched her eating lunch in her usual table. He couldn't breathe...gasp...choke...hey? Look I just wanted to see if you were still alive in there and needed to breathe. Zac laughed as he finally got his best bro's attention, finally withdrawing his smothering hand over Jakey's nose and mouth. Well damn it just talk to me or something! We did! Even goody twoshoes our math valedictorian sank more spitball baskets in your hair then you did in the game yesterday. Hey quit throwing me under the bus Zac. Hey quit using me for target practice Iris I was just wool gathering. Yeah eyeing just Zoe's wool sweater I gather. I was not. Were so, you are so into her. I am not. I mean she's good looking, but it's not like I have any chance with her. Jakey starts knocking out Iris's spitballs with the help of her mirror with a complete look of disgust on his face while she giggled.

Oh look he's checking you out! Yes he is. No, he's not. Isn't he with that Iris girl? No, those two are just friends. Don't ask me why San Diego High's top basketball star ended up a friend with that dweeb interjected Shannon, but maybe he just looks at her like a pet or something. You know Shannon that's kind of mean. I mean she's still a person with feelings and...and...You like him too don't you Zoe? Well, I mean he is kinda cute, but he's the guy so I have to wait like a lump just for him? I mean aren't boys and girls equal now? I mean I should be able to march right up there and ask him out. Why should I wait. Wait...And Wait!...and wait... Alright maybe I'll give him a couple of days to build up the courage as she turns her gaze away from Jakey and Shannon and Amber just turn away from their friend in frustration and a huff.

Hey Jakey, cheer up she was checking you out. Was not. Was so. How do you know from where your sitting you could only have seen her out of the side of your eyes? That's the point Jakey. Don't you know anything. That's the same way she was checking you out. Out of the side of her eyes. Peripheral vision to be exact. In English, Iris please. She was looking at you the best way us girls know how without letting you know she was looking at you! Damn it Jakey don't you know anything? So about that game yesterday. I do know hoops. Oh boy, you are so lucky I'm tutoring you or you'd be watching the next game with me while your on Academic probation. You are such a sweetheart Iris as he grabs her hand for a second flashing his pearly whites. Iris meanwhile stares at Zac's handsome face out of her peripheral vision while Zac...Hey are you already moving on from Zoe already? Go get her! He gives Jakey a medium strength quasi jealous shove. Could he possibly like me Iris pondered and then she slipped and her side glance turned into a deep stare down with Zac. Ummm, ummmm so how about this mystery meatloaf? Zac threw in. Well technically speaking it is probably a combination of eggs and...blah, blah..blah...blah...Jakey was already out of the table by the first blah...blah making a side, out of his way meandering walk down the court so to speak at...bump...

Hey ummmm Z-Z-Z...she finished for him...Zoe...Zo...ey! Oh, I'm.. umm...I'm...Jakey...she finished for him again. Oh, umm you know my name? Well, yeah! In case you didn't notice I happen to be one of the cheerleaders cheering on the team during our games. She blushed slightly at Jakey as he continued to stare at the gorgeous blonde of his dreams. His green eyes focused from her blue eyes down to her button nose down to those moist looking lips and then he brought his eyes back to her eyes again and even though it felt like minutes it actually was only a few embarrassing seconds and Zoe finally broke the silence, well ummm sorry I ran into you there ummm...ummmm.. Jakey, he threw in...r-right she threw back and then she started moving slowly away disappointedly...Jakey is screaming inside of his own head...don't let her go like that do something you big dummy! Zoe! Ummm Zoe! He chases her down as she stops with her back still turned to him. Ummm I was wondering if maybe you might ummm.. want to go out sometime? She slowly turns around facing Jakey again. Maybe. She says! Is that a yes, or a no? Maybe, Jakey. She turned around to leave and he finally noticed the paper she had slipped into his hand with her phone number. He looked up one more time and all he saw were those shining blonde locks and that lovely a...

As we were speaking last week about how for many years Unions had labored to get worker's rights, benefits and safety pushed into legislation. Can anybody tell me about some of the things they did to create the pressure for these social changes? Anybody? Anybody besides Iris? Anybody? How about you Jakey? Jakey who had kind of been playing with his pencil absentmindedly, shot it out literally across the room the pencil literally getting stuck to a wall in the far end. Jakey was still flustered at being called on when his professor...Professor Lesley began to speak again. So I take it you were paying as much attention as last week. Well I want you to stay after class, so we can discuss this further. Yeah, okay whatever dude. Leslie turns back to face Iris so what is the answer once again... ...blah...blah...more boring ...blah! Ring...The bell could not have come soon enough...for some...

And then there was me. Here I was stuck with this stuffy English History professor. I mean this was the last thing I wanted to do as I patted my pocket feeling the indent of the little slip of paper with Zoe's number on it. Jakey come here a moment please? I need you to come with me to my office. Jakey was really worried now. What's he going to do? Expel me! Fail me! Get me off the basketball team! Or worse, even worse then that talk about labor unions and stuff. So you do know that you are the fulfillment of the prophecy of this generation's Zombie Slayer. Like I said and stuff...

Start commercial.

Stuffed, shirt English professor history dude say what? Jakey could not believe what he had just heard. Yes, I know this sounds crazy, but it is true you are the Slayer. No, more and no less than one slayer is born in every generation and they all have one thing in common. What is that? They come from the line of Autumn! Oh, really I am so out of here you quack. To think I just thought you might be trying to do weird 20/20 molestation stuff I would have had to punch you out for. At least even that almost makes sense. He had pulled the door open and then he heard. Stop right there or you will never play basketball again. Damn it. I stand there right in between where the door frame stood with my back turned. Yeah you really do look like your grandfather. You actually act like him too. And what would you know about that? Well besides the fact that my father was his watcher, I guess that would make me your watcher Jakey..Jakey Autumn! Yeah about that, I hate that name. I was thinking of changing it to something else, like maybe Jakey Winters, or how about Jakey Summers...nah that would sound really dumb. About as dumb as this load of bull I just heard about me being a what did you say again? A...a prayer...a player ...no...it was ummm a layer...like what I'd like to be doing with a hot blonde I have lined up later on...Enough!

Enough Jakey I have the power to get you kicked off your basketball team right here as he slams Jakey's history grades for the quarter down on the table. Look at those grades. Yes you my friend. My dude are the slayer and I am the grader and if these grades go in your report card you will have no prayer of being in San Diego High's basketball team ever again. Hell, you won't even be allowed to be the mascot let alone play in the game. So sit down and listen up. Look I can not force you to be the slayer if you don't want to be the slayer. Well at least we agree on that one. But I can and I will force you to get the slayer training. Big sack of English Professor dude say.. Yeah I heard you the first time and it wasn't that funny then either dude. Here is the deal you will get your training here after class. The cover will be of course that I am tutoring you and I will pass you and...the bright side is since I'm training for this slayer crap I don't have to be tutored yay! Give me a high five Professor dude. Hey don't leave me hanging. Lesley shoves the textbook in his hand. No, actually we will be doing both...dude! We can not have our cover blown. So I will be teaching you history and about your Slayer heritage too. In return if you score an F I will turn it into a C. If you get a D I will turn it into a B. But mark my words young man, you will at least get yourself a real earned D or I will keep you here longer and longer until either you know history or your social life is history which ever comes first. So deal...or no deal? Ah, screw it as Jakey makes for the door. Professor Lesley turns away in dismay.. Sike! Jakey walks back into his professor's library/office and so it begins.

Another quick commercial

But dude! Silence, today is lesson one of your Slayer history. For Millenium the spirits of the underworld have been trying to take over the living world. But dude! They are angry and they are jealous that we get to live our normal lives and theirs have ended. The rage and anger in them was so strong that the very first one the legendary Zombie overlord known to the world as Kane who had been the first person to ever commit murder was so angry at being cursed by God to wander among the world of the living that at his death he would become the very first undead being and avenge and punish the world of the living. He would make them just like him and he would rule over them as the Zombie Overlord. But dude! So his evil spirit did not let his body die and he has plagued humanity turning normal people into living zombies. With one bite deep enough into a person's brain the injection of his infected saliva will turn any normal person into a mindless zombie.

But Seth who was grieved at what his brother Kane had done to his brother Abel fought back and slowly but surely a line was established that would vanquish the zombies and another line was established to teach the line and keep it hidden. I am from that line of watchers and you are from that Zombie Slaying line. Look, I can not expect you to grasp or understand all of this today. I know this is a lot for a teenager to grasp, but the Zombies are getting restless and once my brotherhood of Watchers detected the first major sightings of Zombie attacks in this area we knew we had to awaken our Slayer. You are that Slayer and you are the only one with the power to stop them. You must. I know this is hard for you but if you don't stop them no one can. Well don't you have something to say? Oh whoops sorry. Lesley pulls the gag out of Jakey's mouth. Well could we do this next time without the rope and gag? Well I was never going to get the story out there if you were going to keep saying, but dude all day! Well I take it we're finally done? Until tomorrow. Whatever as he angrily slaps his texbook reader guide to the floor and quick walks out the door.

He almost makes it through the outside of the school when he hears a familiar voice. So, I take it detention went well? Yeah Zac, being cooped in there with a regular quack was such a blast. You should try it sometime. I think I'll pass. So, anyway never mind that I saw you talking to Zoe what's up with that. Well you know I layed down all my charm and sophistication on her and ...And now tell me the real story Jakey. Alright it wasn't pretty, but I did get her number. Let me see that. No, this baby is staying right in my pocket until I make my call. Hopefully tonight hopefully we will bite into some nice pizza and it won't bite as much as stupid remedial detention. Jakey waved goodbye and then a thought entered his head. Why didn't I just tell Zac about this Zombie slayer nonsense? I mean it's just a joke right? But for some reason I have this weird feeling that I need to keep this quiet and just between me and teach!

--Commercial time--

So I stare at it in horror. No this can't be. I can do this. I know I can. After all, ha, ha! I am the Slayer. How can I have trouble with a...with...a...phone. Jakey stares at his cell like it's a cobra ready to bite him and finally gathers the courage and presses the fateful buttons...Ring...Ring...

--Ring---Ring---Hello? Hello? Is anybody there? If this is Brad again, I am so not interested. So you can...Ummm...Zoe? Umm who is this? Umm it's me Jakey. You know that guy you sometimes pay attention to when your cheering for our team the San Diego Sabres. Oh, umm hi Jakey. Umm, so why are you calling Jakey? Umm, well remember when I asked you out and you told me maybe. Definitely. Definitely, you'll go out with me or definitely maybe, which would then leave us exactly where we started from? Exactly! Umm, Zoe work with me here. Look if you have plans already, I mean I could ummm, call back maybe some other time and...Please Jakey just hold the phone for one second. Umm okay. Umm Jakey. Yes Zoe! So when would you want to take me out? I don't know are you maybe in the mood for some pizza tonight? Umm, just let me think about it...Okay...Yes! Umm maybe yes, Zoe? You, know Jakey a few stupid comments like that and I'm really going to feel like I really am just going out with a dumb stereotypical jock. So your saying you only date smart guys. Hey don't get smart with me Jakey! Of course not Zoe, you know I'll be keeping it real. Yes real dumb, now can you pick me up by 8? Of course I can. Bye Zoe. Bye Jakey. They click off their phones and Zoe hugs the phone to her chest and Jakey fist pumps, yes, yes, yes!

Jakey walks towards Zoe's house and he could not shake the feeling like he was being watched. It was like he could feel and even smell the creaking noises of walking from far away and he had this horrible, horrible feeling. But he shook his head. I'm probably just nervous about my first date with Zoe. He walks quickly to Zoe's door as the prying being vanishes back into the bushes.

Hi Jakey. Um, hi, umm wow, Zoe you look beautiful. Oh, you should catch me when I'm really trying to impress a guy. Oh, in my dreams Zoe. Yes, now are you going to leave me hanging or lead the way already. Right, heh, heh, heh. You know your cute when you tell me what to do, Zoe. Oh, so your saying I'm not that cute when I'm not telling you what to do. That's not what I meant. Yeah well your probably just saying that so...mmpph...he kisses her. Whoops sorry about that Zoe. You were just being too cute again. Yeah well Jakey next time wait till after our date okay. Okay, Zoe. He moves to lead her along when she grabs him and starts kissing him back. Mmmmph, ohhhh baby. Yeah you mmmmm,,, r-r-r-rock too their tiger. Like I was going to let you get the last kiss in. Hey, you can finish me off anytime baby. Yeah well this is a pg rated date Jakey so you better keep it in your shorts already. Of course, I promise to be nothing but a perfect gentleman...Starting right now I suppose she finishes for him. Hey!...But her beautiful smile and giggle lets him know that so far everything is so good.

Meanwhile:

Hey what are you doing there in my bushes. Get out of there! And then the heavy breathing green zombie in the Raiders shirt turns around and points behind him. Yeah like I'm going to turn my back on some green skinned drugged out nut on my property. He hears loud footsteps and turns around and sees a crazed green hued guy with dribbling teeth and a Lakers shirt...Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Fade to black.

Meanwhile:

Now where were we. We have to follow him. The master says he might be the one. Where did he go? I thought you were watching him. No, it was supposed to be you. Well what are we supposed to say to the master. He'll be back. How do you know? These stupid mortal humans always return the females to their homes after they walk with them. We'll just wait for him and get him! Yeahh...We certainly will or the master will get us...yeah, you better be right or he's going to kill us or something. Well he already did that but he might make us listen to the latest Lindsay Lohan cd like he did the last time we failed him. Yeah. I'd rather be alive then endure that one again. Yeah you said it.

Meanwhile:

So how's your pizza Zoe? Oh, it's fine. It's so moist and warm she teased as she licked her lips over the pizza. Wow, all of the sudden your pizza looks a heck of a lot better than mine. Want a bite? After all a cheerleader like me needs to watch her figure. S-sure as he leans over to grab a bite of her slice she intercepts him catching his mouth with her own. She wrestles the piece of pizza out of Jakey's most willing mouth. Hey you offered. Well next time don't even think about it. Never, ever try to take a slice of pizza from a half starved cheerleader who hasn't eaten a pizza since Jr High. I'll remember that...ummm the next time we go out? Hey are you asking me or telling me. Whatever floats your boat baby. Well, so give me the deets already. Umm, how about tomorrow we go see a movie together. Okay, but no horror, or adventure movies and we have a deal. Alright, but no Traveling pants movies and we have a deal. Well keep that up and my pants might not be traveling at all in the near future. Well put me to sleep from that movie and I'll be too unconscious to care. Yeah right, Jakey you know you want me. Oh, you better believe it, but ummm we better go home soon. Oh, why is that. Oh, well you know how it is, this Professor in my class has been riding me about my grades and I have got to do some studying or he's going to kill me. OKay, so I guess at least we'll have tomorrow. You bet we will!

So Zoe and Jakey walk home with their hands entwined looking into the stars. So, I guess this is goodbye. Yup! Jakey and Zoe just stare into each other's eyes letting their feelings just simmer for a little while. They both can feel heat from their head to their toes and it was a cool day for you weather junkies out there. Slowly, little by little they approached. There was extension as they headed for...Zoe and Jakey kissed in a deep passionate explosion as two spears just miss both of their heads and land against some trees a couple houses down. They kiss for a few more seconds. Goodnight Zoe! Goodnight Jakey. And she closes the door leaning against it with a big blissful smile in her face.

Curse that Slayer. Damn it we were so close. It's these damned humans. I can never figure out when their going to do that kissing thing. It just throws off your aim man! Yeah, but it's okay, we're just after him anyway! They throw two more spears and Jakey collapses to the floor, damn it my shoe was untied. I hope she didn't notice that earlier. I don't know why it's embarrassing, but I just wanted to leave the best impression for Zoe. Oh my God what a great date I had today. She's perfect. Jakey got up a few seconds after the second volley of spears missed his head and then he quickly turned around. Damn it there goes that feeling again.

He walks crossing the street and just runs by an oncoming car. The zombies are not so lucky as they crash into the side Of the truck. Damn it, I just got my teeth fixed. Yeah maybe after we get him we'll grab those perfect pearly whites of his. Yeah what you said. Damn it he's getting away.

Jakey was in the zone as all he could think about was Zoe. He was just floating on air and then he had that feeling again and something made him feel like falling to his back and as the zombies descended towards him this time he caught them with his feet and monkey flipped them over. Hey what's the big idea. Football practice is that way he told the paleskinned zombies in their ripped sports jerseys. Oh, we just thought we would touchdown on you and tear the heart and soul out of you for our team. Oh, yeah right. Okay I'm serious. I'm warning you. Don't get any closer. Or what Slayer. I don't see any slayer weapons on you. We probably got you before you even had your training. As far as we can see your nothing but a sitting duck. A baby slayer and it's time for us to make our little baby slayer go to sleep.

Jakey couldn't believe what he saw. This can't be happening. These can't possibly be real zombies and how do they know about me being a slayer. If that damned Leslie told them I'm going to kill him if I get out of this life and death situation which is just not happening. Well first of all you guys scuffed up my shoes. And second of all as far as you guys putting a baby to sleep, with boring speeches like yours you have that covered, but I'm in love and I'm going to live. Even if that means I have to ummm...slay...(I deadpan not believing I'm actually spouting out that stupid word)..umm yes I'm going to slay you two dudes right about now. I make a karate stance and move like I'm going to go after them and then I bolt for it.

Like where the hell am I going I huff. Some Slayer I turned out to be. I guess my chicken powers are kicking in about now! I look back and I don't see them anywhere, but I don't care, if professor Leslie is at school I need to have a little one on one with him. The Zombies struggle trying to catch up to Jakey, but follow his Zombie slayer scent which they had registered upon their initial confrontation. They Zombie trot as fast as they can but Jakey zoomed by them right for his school.

Jakey hopped the fence quickly and he took a leap and he couldn't believe it he landed perfectly right on the second floor window sill of Professor Leslie's window. His face landed face first into the wall. Ouch! That's going to leave a mark. Professor Leslie I shout. Come on please be here. As I punch the window and it shatters in a million pieces. I look at my hand. Funny even though it's kind of sore, I'm not even bleeding. I guess that was a lucky punch. I slide into the opening and land. Ow...ow...shattered glass. Oww...Looks like I can get cut. Maybe I am the Slayer damn it. And maybe Leslie had better tell me what he knows. I run into his office which happens to be open and there I see an old book and it happens to be book marked. I curiously open it. And start to read.

Are we there yet says Zombie number one in the Raiders shirt? No! How, much further. We've only gone one block. One block? It feels like we've been walking for hours. It's just these damn Zombie legs. Our undead legs are slightly past the expiration date. But don't worry we'll get him. I bet that stupid jock thinks he lost us. But we'll get him.

Jakey in case your reading this, it probably means you've run into your first zombies. Here is the quick primer on what you need to know. You the Slayer, are faster, stronger, and blessed with supernatural endurance and an additional ability to sense Zombies when they are near by. (Now he tells me I gripe) The main weaknesses of Zombies:

1: They can not deal with bright light. That is why they only come out at night.

2: You can trap them in a grave covered with holy water, or a cross. They will not come out unless someone pulls them out.

3: The thing that controls them is their heads. You need to chop them off and you need to get their heads as far away from their bodies as possible, or otherwise they will reanimate and draw their severed body back. (Wonderful, heads, or freaking tails)

4: There are other things, but we don't have time for that now. What I want you to do is chop off their heads with these scythes I have in my drawer and flush their heads in the toilet. When their heads get far enough away the rest of their bodies will turn back into the dust wence it came. (wence it came gee, where is Iris when I need her for the translation?)

There he is the slayer. Aww look at him, he's got his back turned to us. This is going to be so easy. Like taking candy from a Zombie Slayer baby. As they approach, Jakey suddenly feels their presence and closes his eyes. Their every step feels like a jackhammer slamming into the ground. And their smells. Awful. It's like he can taste where they are. He just feels it. Damn it I've never killed anyone before, but I guess their dead anyway, I guess, maybe one time. Damn you Leslie!

Like taking candy from a babyeee...Damn you Leslie...I swing the scythes and watch their heads roll to the ground and out the freaking door. Crap I start chasing them and I feel that feeling again and I give that Iris side look and double crap their legs are freaking chasing me. I'm freaking out over here as I duck some drunken horrible Steven Seagal can't lift his leg spin karate kicks. You can do better than that, I mock. Gee this is fun, but I've got to run, otherwise heads will...will roll, that's it. Hey that was funny, trust me I would have had the audience rolling at that one. Damn, it I am not having fun killing Zombies. This is not fun. As I cover up my slight smirk. I have to catch those two dweebs. Where the hell did those talking heads go yoohoo? Anybody? Where are you two? Come out come out wherever you are.

He'll never find us in here they giggle as they hid in the bathroom stall. Gee something smells funny in here Derek. Yeah like something died in here. I know it's a high School bathroom. This horrid smell makes even death smell sweet. Yeah sweet. He'll never find us in here.

Oh, I know what your wondering. Did I find them yet well yes. I did. It's just like, well not exactly but like when I couldn't find the courage to pick up that phone to call Zoe. I know their in that bathroom. And it's absolutely perfect. The perfect flush. And it is definitely a long way down. But once I do this I'll be admitting this stuff is real. This can't be real as I pace next to the bathroom door. And then I see the legs scraping along the ground like a couple of snakes doing the worm. Umm I think I have to go, like right now as I open up the mens room door.

I kick the stall in that I sensed them in immediately. Hey I just couldn't hold it so I'm going to have to do a number two on the two of you as I stick them with the twin scythes right between their foreheads and drop them in the toilet like a couple of shish kebabs. I watch it circle and swallow them in the whirlpool. Gee it really is a long way down. Well finally. I'm glad that's over with.

I walk out of the bathroom. Ahh finally and then I trip over someone's foot. Oh crap. Leslie damn it. Their still alive as I literally am playing footsy with the legs as they kick at me. I do a backward somersault flip. Wow, cool. I didn't know I could do that. And they jump at me and I block a kick and then I kick back and it's back and forth. Damn you Leslie. It's like I told Zoe earlier as I kick all 4 legs viciously against the wall. I hate! I hate, Traveling pants and then they disappear and crumple into dust.

I am simply heaving from exhaustion and fright and adrenaline as I walk back into Leslie's office and grab his chalk and write a message on the wall. And then I leave.

------Leslie you are such a dweeb-------

Sighned the Slayer!

The End of Episode & Chapter 1!

Epilogue 1:  
So Jake what did you think of your first episode now that we added in the effects? Wow, those, were really cool. But there is one thing I've been meaning to ask you about with the latest scripts. Oh, what's that. This Zombie girl Zoronda. Have you cast her yet? No. Well I mean aren't you worried, I mean she's going to be in most of the episodes this season. Well technically, your right, but you see the plan is we're going to keep her in the shadows and she is going to have small vignettes until the buildup for our season 1 finale where we will need someone cast for her then. But we'll just put a teenage girl in a hood for her early scenes. Don't worry about it. Here Jake. What's this? Oh a bunch of young actresses, and starlets who we're considering offering the role to. Oh, can I look through them? He looks through the pictures of the familiar stars rifling through some descent looking candidates. He gets to the last one and his eyes rest on a pretty blonde singer named Hanna Mon...

---To be continued---

Author's note: Yes I meant the Sighned misspelling, but I don't have a proofreader, so sometimes, it is what it is. So what did you think of chapter 1? You like?


	2. Chapter 2

Zombie High Season 1- episode 2 

By jaymack33

Author's note 2: Four questions. 1: Do you want me to do a complete season Of 22 episodes? Of course the last one will be my take on the finale with Zoronda & Jakey. 2: Do you want me to do a complete season, or a hyphenated season? There will be a Zoronda storyline I am going to build along the way before I get to the finale. 3: When I write what would have been my season 2 premiere concluding the finale episode, do you want me to either a: Have Miley read the unaired episode that will never air as Jake commits to doing movies and the series gets canceled, or b: Do you want a complete season 2 with one more Hanna Montana outside the real series storyline added in? 4: If I deviate from Hanna Montana story lines past would you want me to continue Zoronda as a recurring character, or would you want me to find a creative way to keep her from the Slayer kind of like how Joss Whedon kept Buffy and Angel apart ruining the later seasons. But I really mean no disrespect as here is the mandatory disclaimer. Please do not sue me Hanna Montana, Buffy and your friends. I do not own any of the characters except possibly some of my own made up characters and they are still based on those shows anyway. I don't make anything out of this monetarily. So please have mercy and don't sue or slay me.

Chapter/Episode 2- Halloween Night

Damn it where are they? They were supposed to have come back with the Slayer's head by now. I was so hoping to drink a Corona out of his skull. Damn them. What were their names again. Umm...gee Overlord, sir their named...ummm you tell him...Gee they were umm. Oh we don't know. I mean you see one dead guy you've seen them all huh master? Hahahahha! I'm not laughing as he slashes their heads off with his sword. Now pull yourselves together and get out of my sight. You disgust me!

--Cue in the theme music and commercial break--

Damn him. I can sense that Slayer is still alive. We have to stop him. He is ruining everything. He is the only thing standing in the way of my plans. We must get him quickly. What is this? Master sir this is called a Halloween Dance. So? Well it's where we believe the Slayer's school is. So we thought we could attack the school and put an end to the Slayer once and for all. Well, fine, but I still want my human killings to go on as planned, maybe we can flush out this Slayer before we even get to this stupid dance on October...

31st? Yeah that will be the next date idea for me after I take Zoe to the movies later tonight. I just got to get to school first as he slips the card into his jacket pocket and slides his skateboard to a halt right next to the school. Hey Zac how you doing buddy? Never mind that how'd it go yesterday. What do you mean? Oh, you know what I mean how'd it go with the date? Oh, that well it was definitely the most fun and exciting night of my life. Yo, you have to tell me details, umm later I have to do something first as Jakey runs over to Leslie's office.

So did he spill on the details Iris asks as she slides next to Zac with a slight touch to his shoulder. Oh, umm Iris I didn't see you there. No, he didn't but if you looked into our Jakey's eyes, they were sparkling with happiness. I know he did good. Well, I'm glad at least somebody is getting lucky around here she tries to lay out struggling to fight the sarcasm attempting to drift off her statement as she avoids Zac's eyes and scurries off to class.

Jakey walks into Leslie's office. So are you finished wrecking my office or did you come to finish the job? You know I didn't...I know Jakey. What you did was a very brave and intelligent thing, well except for that misspelling of the word "signing" on the blackboard. I may need to keep you after class longer next time. Oh, damn it, Jakey hisses. But umm Professor...umm Dude, ummm how did? How did I know you were walking through that door. Well, like I told you I am your watcher. I always know where you are. Always. You better keep those leery peepers off of my girl. No, I don't mean that way Jakey. It's just I can sense you the same way, you can sense the Zombies.

Yes about that...so you want me to continue your full training I gather. Actually no. Look, I apologize for damaging your office. And I guess leaving that message in your book probably saved my life, but I didn't ask for this. I don't want any part of this. I have a normal somewhat wonderful life. I have a girl I think I'm falling in love with. I have a promising basketball scholarship I'm trying to earn. And yes I know I'm going to have to listen to you yap about Slayers and European history after school, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be doing this Superhero crap either. I mean damn it, if it's so bad why can't you call the police or something? You mean to tell me after fighting them you think the police are going to be of some help. How many more people have to die Jakey? Look at this paper as he slams the front page with the 7th missing student from San Diego High. Hey I read that page, that had nothing to do with Zombies. Of course it did Jakey don't be so naive. Us watchers know the real reason behind the missing students and whether you want to be the Slayer or not you know the reason too and more students may die, but your the one who is going to have to live with it, knowing you could have done something to stop it. Whatever Pops as Jakey turns and slams the door shut.

He's fuming mad and then there she is again. His beautiful angel. Zoe, the most perfect girl he had ever seen. He walks up to her and there is Shannon cutting him off at the pass. What do you want Superstar? Oh, umm hi a Shannon I believe I want to talk to Zoe over there. Oh, you will but first you have to get through her best friend. OK, what do you want? Tickets, for my boyfriend and you open up the guys locker room for me at the end of the next game. Oh come on Shannon. And then Zoe sticks her head underneath Shannon's arms. Hey don't I get a say in this as she passes her friend by. Hi. Oh, umm Hi, Jakey replies. Umm, hi.. Hi, again their beautiful. Either you two are completely in love or this writers strike really sucks! Shannon huffs and leaves them alone.

So, umm we're on for tonight, right Zoe? S-sure. You know your cute when your not so sure. S-sure. You have anything else to say Zoe? S-sure. And then he kisses her and then the bell rang indicating it was time to go back to class. --Ring-- Wow! Wow is right baby. Well catch you later Jakey. She leaves and he whispers. Yeah you might have to catch me later because I really am falling. Falling in love with you.

So Jakey in the love zone totally zones out of Leslie's class and pretty soon is back in his stupid, stupid after school session, with his watcher.

So Jakey, even though you probably don't want to hear any more about this Slayer business. I must continue with your education. You don't understand how serious this is. We are relatively close to Death Valley. This is the source of the Zombie Kingdom. This is Kane's (read episode 1 for more on him) capital city and where he plans and launches his major attacks. I mean our time here is so precious. He still hasn't gathered all of his forces together. He still is in his early stages. I can not stress enough how important it would be for you to learn this stuff as quickly as possible and maybe together we could eliminate him as a threat together. Gee Leslie I do have one question? What is it? We do only have 10 more minutes right? Yes Jakey your right. And we're going to use every second of it in your education.

The scythes you took last night are yours. Here is some holy water. Here is an axe. Here is some rope for those moving undead body parts. Look Jakey. I have fought the Zombies before, but it takes a lot of watchers just to barely hold are own with only a few Zombies. We can't do it without you. I have more weapons at home, but you still need training with these things first. I had high hopes for you. But, I need to get you to understand two more things before I let you out. I hear the bell ringing. It's my time to go, but I humor Leslie anyway. Maybe something a little less dweeby will come out of his mouth this time. What I need you to know is that no matter what you do. Whether you choose to answer the call of your destiny or not, you will probably be dragged into this eventually. I believe the Zombie Overlord Kane either knows who you are or is trying to find you. He's fought your Grandfather before and he probably might have a suspicion that Jakey from the line of Autumn might be the next Slayer. This means everyone in your life could be in danger. Even if you want to be selfish for yourself, you might be jeopardizing the lives of your friends too. I get kind of angry and am leaving slowly. I turn away. You might not just jeopardize your loved ones, but you may end up being the Slayer anyway, but instead of choosing to fight him when he is at his weakest, you'll end up fighting him at his strongest. Please don't leave. Please don't...Slam! Yeah, my father told me it never is that easy breaking in a new Slayer. Never!

--Commercial--

So Jakey getting ready to go all goth on us or are you planning on doing some mountain climbing, Iris teases as Jakey walks out the School door. So, I guess you and Zac trade places on throwing barbs at me after I leave my remedial history class. Yeah, I guess, something like that, now stop stalling and answer the question already Paul Bunyan! Who? Jakey searches for an explanation in his head. Why can't he just tell her. But for some reason he can't seem to spit it out so he grasps for some reason and just blurts the first thing that comes into his head. Well, you know tomorrow is Halloween and I was just trying to gather some things I might incorporate into my costume. As, what Jakey a Spelunker? No, how about Jakey a--a Slayer, a Vampire Slayer, that's it! You, know Jakey us girls finally get a hero named of all things Buffy and your going to steal that from us too? Well, come on we're all equal now, there's nothing you girls can do that us guys can't do as well. Except school work Iris interjects as she hands him a copy of her notes for their classes together. Thank you Iris your the best as he takes her notes in his hand and gives her a hug. Iris, blushes. Hey, I might have a thing for Zac, but that doesn't make Jakey any less handsome as she skips off. Zac grimaces with a slight twinge of jealousy as he watches from a far.

Once again I head to that familiar door of Zoe Meadows and I just can't believe it. The prettiest girl in school is my girlfriend and I just feel ourselves getting closer all of the time. I know she's the one. Somehow, I just know it. I get ready to knock and the door opens and I nearly have a heart attack as I nearly clocked her in the face, but thank goodness for Zombie slayer like reflexes I manage to move my hand to the side and embrace her...mom? Whoops! Sorry, their Mrs. Meadows, I was expecting Zoe, heh, heh, heh. Right she says as she slides Jakey's hand off of her neck. So, you do know we have a curfew that is mandatory and you have to bring her back in one piece. Oh, as if my life depends on it Mrs. Meadows I swear it. Then Zoe slides past her mom and gives me a hug. I missed you Jakey. I missed you too Zoe. We hug tightly together like we were meant to be attached and being separate was the unnatural part. We were meant to be together. I was so in love. But why did I have that same creepy funny feeling again like I was being watched. It's got to be nothing I tell myself. Just nerves.

I tried to get her to see George Romero's Diary of the Dead (for some strange reason this Zombie thing is getting into my skin somehow). And she tried to get me to see the Hanna Montana concert movie, but we settled instead for Juno. It was a good choice. And we both laughed and had a great time. I walked her home and even though I still had that funny feeling creeping up at me once and a while my love for Zoe just kept a veil over my misgivings. So babe, did you have as good a time as I did? Oh, you couldn't possibly have had a good a time as I did. Try me Zoe? Anytime there tiger. And we kiss a long deep all consuming kiss. We kiss like if the world should end now it would end on our terms. We're so happy. So, so happy. I tell her about the dance tomorrow and we once again have another date. A date with destiny.

So do we go after them now? No, the Master's plan was to do it at their so called Halloween dance. We will deliver the payback for our two beheaded brethren who the master is currently working on reconstituting. It's fiendish really. He doesn't just want to kill the Slayer. But maybe we'll start with other people in his life, or should we say death. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

My next day is a total blur. I remember nodding my head at Iris and Zac's smiling faces and agreeing to who knows what, but I didn't care. I was in love with a girl named Zoe Meadows. I was so happy. We would stare at each other during lunch. We didn't have any classes together so we just had to give each other meaningful soul sucking looks every chance we could get. She was going to go to the dance as a cheerleader and yes I would be a Vampire slayer. Kind of ironic. I mean she is a cheerleader and I kind of am a slayer sort of. But not if I can help it.

Once again I pick her up. I reassure her wonderful parents that nothing's going to happen to their little girl. I love her and I promise I'll bring her back. Everything will be fine. And then I got that feeling again only stronger. Way, way stronger. Like I felt a thousand needles going through my legs. Ahhhhh! Jakey is everything okay? Um, yes, I'm fine Zoey. Oh, I know your fine, from where I'm standing Jakey as she hugs my arm to her as we walk down to school.

Yes, it's time. We are gathering. We follow the Master's plan. First we'll only send about 4 zombies in and that should be enough to get the job done, but if not we have 16 Zombies waiting for a second wave. Yes, San Diego High will be a Zombie High right before they even know it! And then there is one more little twist and the Slayer won't even see it coming Hahahahahahahaha!

Hey Zachary, how you doing? Zac stood their dateless once again along with Iris. I'm doing fine. By the way do you remember anything me and Iris were talking to you about yesterday? Sure I do buddy. We should talk some more some time. You think he heard us talking about how they found the clothes of all 7 missing students in our school? Somebody either kidnapped or killed them. It's horrible Iris. Yeah, I know. I don't think he would have been smiling like that..umm Zachary if he heard us. I think the only thing in his head right now is that pretty girl, hanging onto his arm. Yeah where do I get one of those. Owww! Hey, what am I chopped liver. Hey, Iris in case you missed this we're both without a date here. Yeah well maybe we could...ummm...I don't know that's kind of stupid. What is it Iris? It's just...Oh, lookee here my two least favorite dweebs without a date at the Halloween dance. Oh, let me guess your costumes. Loser number 1 and Loser number 2. Actually you two deserve some credit, your costume are the most realistic one's of all. Hahahaha! The irritating Shannon Ashley walks away in her jungle outfit with Kyle Alexander the Quarterback for our San Diego Sharks football team. Oooh, I hate her so much! Relax, it's only fitting that a Shark is dating a piranha! Yeah it's only fitting and then Zac grabs me along my back and turns me toward him. Want to dance? I stand there stunned. I know we're great friends and all, but I don't see why we still can't have a good time. I feel a slight sigh with disappointment at the just being friends part, and then Iris goes what the heck it's better than nothing as we give each other a twirl on the dance floor.

Zoe and Jakey twirl together. Jakey is so in love as is Zoe and then Jakey loses his concentration for just a second noticing his two best friends Zacky and Iris dancing and he feels his already penetrating smile growing with warmth. Hey, what's up Jakey she giggles. Oh, nothing just watching my stupid friends in there falling in love without even knowing it. Oh, so falling in love is stupid now, huh? No, that's not what I mean. Oh, enlighten me Jakey. It's the opposite Zoe, I've never felt this way about anybody, but you. And I would love for my two friends over there to get to that same place with each other. Awww, Jakey, your so sweet. I'm starting to see why you do hang with them. Oh, what's that supposed to mean? Nothing Jakey as she squeezes him tight. I'm just saying your such a great guy and they must be pretty great themselves. Aww, you know I love you don't you Zoe? Oh, I'm really beginning to get that feeling Jakey. My, wonderful, wonderful Jakey! Yes, life was perfect and then...Crash...More brains! Argggh! Chomp! Ahhh!

--Commercial break--

I stand there gaping at the slaughter as four Zombies start biting into 3 students and one teacher. Everybody is just running for the exits as I hold tightly to Zoe. She's trying to get me to run too and she is prodding me along, but something is slowing me down. It's like I know I need to be here and make a difference. But I don't want Zoe to get hurt, so we guide each other away slowly as a couple more students fall and then I see Leslie starting to fight them. For a half a second it elicits a slight chuckle in me if this situation wasn't so horrible. My frown returns. I leave the gymnasium with my last view of Leslie's horror stricken face as the Zombie's slowly drive him back. I can't even look into his eyes as I cradle Zoe to me and rush away.

Hahahaha! Stupid Slayer ran away and is leaving those students to our whim. He is more like a chicken Slayer. We're going to kill his fellow classmates and then we'll kill him last. Yeah, though watching that coward run away, makes you wonder what the big deal is. As they continue to fight. Leslie slings his boomerang. He ducks punches and kicks and tries his best but his blows only move the frenzied zombie demons back a little only for them to regroup and charge forward. They were landing a lot more blows then he was and he knew he couldn't hold out much longer. So this is the fate of a Watcher for his Slayer charge to watch his watcher die. Well at least I'll have no regrets as I swing my sword and finally manage to get one head to roll. Not too bad, only 3 to one now as I duck the walking body parts. Alright 3 and 1/2 to one fine. I'll concede the point.

Jakey is running now with Zoe's hand grasping in his and then he stops as he watches the students continuing. Jakey, umm why are we stopping? Something isn't right Zoe? Something isn't right Zoe? She retorts back at him. Our classmates are being eaten by Zombies and you think something isn't right? No, that's not what I mean Zoe. Well, what then? It's, hard to explain Zoe, but you see I'm kind of a Slayer. Oh, you and your stupid costume! No, I mean I am the Slayer. This isn't a costume Zoe. Oh sure like this Axe is..ouch. You brought a real Axe to school? Well it was either that or flowers. I thought I'd be different. She sighs well let's go. No! Why not? There are Zombies that way. What? How, do you know that? I can sense them. Alright fine she huffs. How about that way? Nope. Let me guess Zombies again. Is there anywhere there aren't Zombies. No. So what we wait here and get slaughtered then huh, Jakey, my hero with a side order of sarcasm! Take me home already Jakey! Alright we're gonna go this way, I don't sense as many that way. And then the Zombies close in passing by a running Iris and Zac. Passing by Shanon and Kyle and many of the other classmates as they all converge on Jakey and Zoe. Great, now all the Zombies seem to be going after us. What did you do Jakey? Why is this happening to us?

I promise I'm going to keep you safe. And then they come and he hands Zoe his Axe, here hold this. Please cut off their heads if they approach. Zoe holds it in her hand like she's holding a snake. Ewww, gross, I can't do it Jakey! He holds her by her arms you have to babe. I'm going to try to keep them from getting to you but just in case. I--I lov...and then the Zombies yank me away. I begin slicing. I swing to my left and the first two heads go crashing down. I start dribbling both heads like their basketballs after putting my scythes back in their sheafs. I continue chopping down the Zombies as I work my way back to school. I make a couple of air balls with their heads the good kind preferably as far from their bodies as possible. I need to save Leslie if I can, but more importantly I have to kill all of these stinking Zombies. If anything were to happen to Zoe I don't know what I'd do!

Zoe ran slowly holding onto the stupid Axe that Jakey gave her. Damn him. He's going to get himself killed trying to be a hero. I mean I love him and I almost want to go back, but I'm just so damned scared. I mean I can't even watch this stuff in the movies. I can't deal with the real damn thing. I'm just a cheerleader. I gasp as I hear a sound. Just a truck driving by. Phwooo! I make it to my house and begin to unlock my door. Funny, it's already open.

Jakey meanwhile is like a Slayer possessed slashing down Zombie heads by the dozen. Just the 4 left in my school, I hope. I see a bloodied Leslie still struggling to fight them off while clutching his bleeding arm. Hey, is this the line to start beating up on my teachers? Who, it's the Slayer and I chop them down in one criss crossed shot. I then Proceed to dribble with heads 4 at a time and slam them into the net and I hold on as I tie the end together keeping them locked in. The other heads and bodies have already disappeared. Leslie are you OK? Yeah! So I take it your set to be the Slayer, now. No, Leslie, I'm not but...but...What is it Jakey? I have a very bad feeling Leslie. What is it. I have a bad feeling like Zoe, is in trouble. Well, they did kind of let us off easy almost like they were trying to distract us somehow. You call getting beaten into a bloody pulp and your arm cut up easy? Actually, I...oh my God...Zoe, somethings wrong. Jakey hold on. No, let me drive at least. It's quicker.

Zoe closed the door not even looking inside as she triple locked the door shut. Well at least I made it home. Then she saw some broken glass. Jeez mom, don't you clean up in here at all? Oh, dear why don't you come here, my dear? S-sure mom? I think it's time boys. And then the Zombies grab Zoe and pull her back away as she sees her father being slaughtered right before her eyes by her own mother. Dad, mom, no! No! This isn't happening!

Jakey had the worst feeling in the world, like the world just had ended and he just arrived late to the party. He instantly slid out of the window of Leslie's car as he hopped to the top of it sort of surfing on the car. Too, bad it's a corny bookwormish car, but no Zoe, no time for funny thoughts please be alright. All wrong, he spat out as tears came out of his eyes as he saw Zombies jumping out of her home and running away. He hopped off the car and bolted to her house.

He slammed through the dead bolted door like it was paper and went to a dead halt as he saw the bloodied form of his girlfriend wheezing on the floor. He rushed up to her cradling her in him arms. Zoe! Zoe, he cried! Oh, God no! Y-you, y-you c-came back f-for m-me. Of course I did baby, just hold on please. Just a little longer. Leslie please call an ambulance. Please. Come, on baby hold on help is on the way. Your so handsome, J-Jakey. My Jakey my sweet, sweet Jakey. Yes baby I'm right here. I'm never going to leave you. Never. I love you Zoe. I love you so much. Jakey p-promise me something. What anything, you want Zoe. Please Jakey, if, cough, cough, if I don't make it please I want you to live your own life Jakey. No, what are you saying, please Zoe, don't leave me I can't live without you. Just, cough, cough, can you do a couple more things for me. Live, Jakey. Please live for the both of us and please give me one more kiss...unnnh. I move in for the kiss hoping , holding, praying my kiss might bring her back to life. Like sleeping beauty coming back to me. And then I don't feel any breath coming out of her. I try to administer CPR. Leslie is doing thrusts into her chests. I'm blowing precious life giving air. The medics come rushing in and she's dead. My whole world stops. Jakey I know this is hard. Not now Leslie. But Jakey, no, I need to do one thing first. Leslie watches as Jakey runs up to Zoe's mother's room. Hi, Mrs. Meadows. It's kind of funny I brought your daughter back here in one piece. But you didn't give her back to me in one piece and Jakey lunges at her. She sidesteps him and attempts a kick which he catches and swings her into her dearly departed husband. Ahh more brains, more...Jakey chops her head off with the Axe he had pried from Zoe's dead fingers. I hate you. I hate you all, and if it's the last thing I do. I will slay all of you damn demons and send you straight back to hell! This I swear! Leslie watched from a distance as his charge had finally grown into his Slayer role, but maybe, just maybe if he had done it a little sooner, it wouldn't have been as a result of so much pain.

Jakey didn't hear one word of encouragement from his friends as he dropped a final flower by Zoe's grave. His pain and sorrow kept all outside noise completely muffled. All he could hear or see was that tombstone with Zoe's birth date and death date. Part of him died that very same day he sighed. I love you Zoe and I always will and he turned away in painful sorrow and anger. Yes I am the Slayer, and I won't rest till I avenge you Zoe. They will pay for what they did to you. This I swear!

The Zombies come by later and start digging up Zoe's grave. Heh, heh this funeral curator can take your place, my lovely Zoe Meadows. You are going to be the perfect instrument of our revenge on the Slayer. They drag her body away. Perfect indeed!

The End of episode and chapter 2!

Epilogue 2:

Jake Ryan continued to look at the pictures of potential starlets to play Zoronda. He kept ending up looking at the Hanna Montana picture. And it's funny too, because technically he was more into brunettes than blonds, but there was something about her eyes that kept beckoning for him to pick her. After staring for a little while more he shuffled the pictures again just this time he left Hanna Montana's picture on top.

Wow, my God, what a great show Oliver Oken screamed with glee. My God this show is so awesome. I've got to tell Lilly about it.

--To be continued--

Author's note: So what did you think about that ending? You had to know something was going to happen to poor Zoe. Hey without no pain there is no purpose. Of course Zoe isn't completely gone yet. Because Sometimes they do come back. Only changed! After all sometimes things are just meant to be that way. So review away, ok!


	3. Chapter 3

Zombie High Episode 3- Love Hurts

by: jaymack33

Author's note: Well love really does hurt, right? Anyhow, I'm just going to do my disclaimer and state that I make no money off either characters from the Hanna Montana show, or Buffy the Vampire slayer show, so please don't sue me. This is just for fun and further motivation to watch or re watch your shows or your comic books. Thank you. Sorry this is a sad update. I really was actually planning to do a happy one, but as I started writing it didn't feel right, so I'm pushing it off to the next update. I have to let the grieving process run it's course. So sorry, but I'll work on getting the characters in a better place next time.

Jakey lays in his bed in a cold sweat after just getting to sleep at the nice early bed time of 3 am in the morning. Unfortunately his dreams are plagued with nightmares. He keeps reliving that, day, that moment that second. I could have saved her. Lord, knows I don't know how, but I could have. Coulda, woulda, shoulda! It's like I see her small hand reaching out to me with her pained cut face. My poor girl is in tremendous pain and with all of my slayer powers I could do nothing, but watch my love die right before my eyes. No please don't leave me. It's too soon. We only just started our relationship. I move in to kiss her hoping I can at least give her one more moment of happiness and I keep wondering if she was still alive during the kiss or if she was already dead and even my kiss was too late. I didn't just fail to keep her alive, but even to let her go with some happiness. I didn't even need the alarm clock as I bolted upright at 6 am. Never mind school, once it's over I'm going to follow Leslie's lesson 3. I will go on my first patrol and oh please, pretty please let there be a Zombie there, so I can slay them. Each and everyone of them.

Jakey looks over to his counter at the jewelry box. He was going to give it to her. He had just been waiting possibly for that next now never to happen date. He slapped it to the floor and the heart shaped pendant opened up and the Jakey loves Zoe for ever pops out. He gets really glum at seeing those words mocking him and he steps over it on his way to get going for his school and there he sees the picture. The only picture he ever took with him and Zoey together in that little photo booth in the mall while they were waiting to go see the movie. The only movie they would ever get to see together. He walks out the door and closes it. He freezes in place. He quickly goes back in and picks up the picture and he folds it in a heart shape to get it to fit into the locket and then he puts it around his neck. For every damned Zombie I kill you will now be with me always. I'm only taking this off when I take a shower or something. He rolls his skateboard around the bend and is off for school.

Zac and Iris walk to school together. The last few days were so unnerving. It felt weird actually having a day off from school plus the weekend because of the student deaths on Campus from Zombies. Zombies? Have we all lost our mind. It's like a joke. It's over all of the papers. Their laughing at us about these phony monsters attacking our school. Their actually starting to call us I can't even say it. It's horrible, it's, it's...

---ZOMBIE HIGH--- cue in the theme song and commercial.

Iris and Zac hold hands as they approach the school. I'm not sure what Zac could do against those Zombies or whatever the hell they were, but it still makes me feel safer just being with him. Never mind our relationships I think everybody in our school is in a state of shock, but I don't think anybody was more hurt than Jakey Autumn, our best friend and third wheel in our little triumvirate. Hey Iris? Yes Zac? You thinking about triumvirates again? Hey maybe if you spent more time reading our history books then reading my mind you would be thinking about it too. But, I already did but through your mind as he gently tapped his finger onto Iris's forehead. She felt a blush and a heat coming on at his touch and she looked away. No, Iris, don't do that come back here right now, we all got to stick together, we can't be pulling away right now. And we embrace and for one moment it's like all of the badness, and sadness from the past week could be washed away and then we saw the blur of our friend Jakey just wheeling right up the steps by us. How, does, he do that and did he even see us? Hey he's no mathlete, but he certainly is an athlete that's for sure. Zac smiled at another Iris witticism and they quickly ran in hoping maybe Jakey was waiting for them on the other side.

Jakey made a beeline for Lesley's office. The door was open. Umm, Jakey, isn't this a little early? No, it isn't. I need every second and minute you can give me to get ready to slay those damned Zombies. Look, Jakey I understand. I know your probably thinking it was your fault that Zoe died. No, actually I'm not thinking it Lesley. Well that's good to hear. No, I'm not thinking it because I already know it. There is nothing to think about. I dropped the ball and the Zombies scored and won the game. I wasn't prepared. I wasn't ready. I can't let that happen again. You have to get me ready Lesley. I'm begging you. I'll do whatever you want me to do. You just got to get me ready to behead all of those horrible monsters. That's what I'm here for but Jakey don't let this hate simmer too deeply. You need to stay focused and not let your anger consume you. Oh, it's more than consuming. I'm beyond consuming. I'm combusting Lesley. It really wasn't your fault Jakey, you couldn't be in two places at once. You couldn't have known that her house would be the least safest place for her. Even if you had kept her with you, you probably would have dropped her off at her house. No, but that's where your wrong, but you were right the first time. I should have committed to this Slayer thing sooner. I can detect those Zombies. I can smell them. I felt their presence by Zoe's house the last 2 nights and maybe if I understood my powers better, or knew my enemy better and how they think I could have still prevented it. But, Jakey! No, no buts, Lesley, thank goodness your in my life or I don't know what I'd do. I don't think I could fight this fight alone. And you won't Jakey because I'll be watching you. That is after all what a Watcher does.

Shannon with fear walked into the gymnasium that had been the scene of student deaths, just 4 days earlier. It sent shivers through the normally strong Shannon as she shivered into Kyle's arms as she tried to find the strength to go out there and conduct the tryouts for an additional girl to replace Zoe. Zoe, her bestest friend in the world. Like who in the hell is going to replace her. She goes out there wiping away at her tears and sees some girls in line and she sees tears in their eyes too. Umm, so who is going to come out here and not waste my time for a change she barked out in a fake form of bravado. She hoped nobody saw through her facade and the bittersweet sadness that was threatening to leak between the cracks of her ruse. After being less than wowed she finally settled for someone that at least wouldn't embarrass them and she called practice early and as soon as everybody left she cried hard onto Kyle's shoulder once more.

Jakey shoots he...he...air balls. He shoots again and he almost beheads the coach his shot is so far off. Jakey are you sure your OK. Yeah, coach I am...he lied. No, your not. That was your girlfriend who died in that horrible incident at school wasn't it. His silence confirms it. You, Jakey are going to have to sit out the next game on the bench. But coach honest. Look, I'll admit I'm a little off today. Jakey you have come very close to breaking a couple windows if not for the grates in front of them and those were windows that were on the opposing teams scoring basket. Alright I'm more than a little off, but coach I need this. I need to get my head away from all of this bad stuff. Look, you sit on the bench, and maybe I'll call you up for defense or something, but I just think you need a game off just to get your head clear. Don't worry about it, your still our starting point guard, you just need a day off on the disabled list that's all. Jakey angrily grabs the basketball and slams it against the wall and catches it and no look shoots it right through the basket as he walks out the door. Not ready, humph. Why couldn't he do that before the coach says dejectedly eating his own words, but his words are final and the rest of the team heard him too.

Jakey walks into Lesley's office. So, Jakey I take it your ready to...Let's kill us some Zombie's Leslie! No, not yet, let's get you practicing. He tosses Jakey a sword. In this exercise I want you to aim for that point on the neck. It will get you a quicker cut. The titanium can't be cut so you can repeat the exercise and you will hear a chime every time you get a direct hit. An hour later. OK, Leslie are we ready to go out on patrol now? No, let's just talk more about Slayer history. Jakey zoned out at no! At the end of his session: So, Jakey, promise me you won't be going out there on patrol. I promise. I swear I won't...

Later that night while I start my patrol I wasn't supposed to do I feel the cool air against my skin as I look and listen and even smell for anything that may indicate Zombie activity to me. Finally I hear it! Oh, no...ahhhhh...help! I rush over. What's the problem little girl? Are you OK. Did someone threaten you? No, it' just, it's just my mom is going to kill me. Oh, is she a...a...Zombie? And then the little girl named Katie looked at Jakey with a weird stare. Are you okay Mr? Ummm, you didn't answer my question. Why would your mother want to kill you? Jakey asked more carefully this time. Well because I let the cat out of my house and he's stuck up there in that tree. Jakey winces kind of embarrassed about his stupid Zombie question. Umm, so what's your name? Katie! Umm, Katie I was just kidding about that Zombie stuff you know. Whatever. Jakey winces at a little girl's rebuffing him like that but than he resolved that he didn't want this Zombie night to be totally useless. Look, I know I'm just a stranger but if you promise to keep your eyes shut for 1 minute I will get your kitty down for you. You promise, Jakey flashes his pearly whites. She knew she shouldn't but even a little girl couldn't resist that smile. She smiled back mischievously as she covered her eyes and Jakey turned facing the tree and took a giant Zombie Slayer leap for cat kind and as he scooped up the cat and looked down he saw the little girl with a shocked expression on her face as he leaped for a perfect landing. Y-you, y-you leaped up there...like..like..um Superman. Umm, Mister could I ask you something? Umm sure Katie. Does that mean there really are Zombies? Jakey thought about this question. He was damned no matter what he said. So he simply bent down looking at the girl as he handed her, her kitty. Look there are a lot of bad dudes who come out at night and I just think you need to be more careful going out all by yourself at night. OK. OK, and Mister? Yes Katie. What's your name? Jakey. Jakey, that's a silly name. Yeah well why don' you run along and bring your cat home to your mommy where it's safe and I'll complain to my mommy about my silly name. Deal? Katie returns his smile and gives him a hug as she runs back inside with her precious kitty cat in tow..

Jakey slinks back home. It did feel good helping that girl, but I want to kill a freaking Zombie. There never is a Zombie when you need one. What's going on? Last week, it was Zombie's R Us and this week the next Zombie that comes here might be Rob Zombie on tour. What gives? And then Jakey goes to sleep.

Hahahaha! Let's frustrate this Slayer. Screw up his mind chasing his shadow and break his spirit and will. Then we can pick him off at our leisure. Yes master. Caleb smiles and then walks out angry. Caleb the second in command to the Zombie Overlord didn't understand him sometimes. Why wait to kill this Slayer. Let's just take him out and be done with it. Why toy with him. I mean I could take him out anytime instead of this play with him and either he's going to get himself killed denying me the pleasure or he's...he's going to get stronger...yes stronger. I've been dying...haha..yes dying to have a good challenge. The last good challenge I had heh, heh let's just say that Slayer won't be coming back ever, he laughs. Yes, I will follow my Master's plan, but that doesn't mean I can't have some fun... he laughs and stalks away.

So Jakey how was your Patrol? Jakey stands there gawking at Leslie. And then recovers quickly fake laughingly answering. Oh, you know, you slay one Zombie you slayed them all, he snickers confidently. And I guess in between you take the time to save a little kitty for a little girl. Jakey gawks at him again, before recovering. Oh, well you know how it is in between my slayings and then seeing Leslie's knowing look. OK, how did you know that Leslie? I told you I am your watcher. I was watching you. Now, can I ask you one more thing about the ground rules? What besides the fact that you went on Patrol before you were ready? Yes, besides that one. Jakey states this biting out the last word with a slight hint of conceding nothing to the possibility that Leslie might be right. So Jakey ask away. Leslie what I meant by you watching me all the time, is if you watch me all the time as Jakey looks over himself up and down trying to get Leslie to understand his drift. And Leslie takes a couple of seconds to understand the implication. Oh, no, I don't watch you that closely. No, what you do at home is up to you. Let's just say if your on patrol, then, I'm on patrol. OK, and Leslie next time. Yes, Jakey. When I'm busy sneaking around behind your back Patrolling when I'm not supposed to can you come along and...and watch? The Watcher laughs and goes, well I guess since it looks like I'm not going to be able to stop you all I can say is deal!

So for the next few days Jakey saved a baby in a burning building and intercepted someone trying to walk in front of a car to commit suicide. And most miraculous of all he had...he had gotten his homework done. Jakey is like, well even if I don't get my revenge on these stinking Zombies between, Iris and Leslie tutoring me for school at least that problem is covered.

So finally it was the end of the week as Jakey and Leslie walked down their familiar haunts. So, Leslie are a lot of patrols like this? Like what? Like boring? Yes, sometimes. I mean it is funny how murderous monsters just refuse to cooperate and come out to play sometimes. Look Jakey. Yes, Leslie. Look, I know your angry and bitter and I've already given you the speech about how your not going to bring Zoe back by all of these slayings and it wasn't your fault at least 20 times. Then Jakey interjects try 30 times smiling back at Leslie. OK, I'll concede that point, but the point I wanted to make is that this is what you should want. To walk aimlessly bored out of my mind with a history junky who doesn't know the difference between a punt and a dribble. Jakey answers back. Actually yes. That is the point. The point of being a Slayer isn't to slay Zombies. Well, what precisely is the point than Jakey spits back slightly irritated? The point is to keep everyone else safe from those Zombies. The point isn't your revenge. I know I was teasing you about helping that girl get her cat back, but it is the doing good for others, that comes with your powers. That is the point. Jakey looks at him for a second. I see. Alright let say I concede that point I have a counterpoint to make. What is that Jakey. Next time dress like we're slaying a Zombie not like your going to a job interview. Jeez, your useless to me dressed like that. You, know something Jakey, I think this thing may finally start to work out...Slayer! Slayer, where are you?

There you are! You don't look like much! Jakey cracks his knuckles, ahhh finally. Finally indeed Caleb answers back and Leslie stares gaping at Caleb. The number 2 most dangerous Zombie in recorded history. The only Zombie older and stronger than him was the Overlord himself and some Watchers argue it might be the other way around. And in addition to that all of the people that monster has killed...people like...people like. And Jakey charges ahead. Go dude make my day! As he charges with his twin scythes in his hand. The Zombie somersaults under the slashes and mockingly answers strike one Slayer. Yeah, so all you proved is your good at running away and not getting hit Jakey puffs back at him. Oh look again Slayer. Jakey looks down horror stricken at the superficial cut on his leg right through his jeans. And then he looks back shaking it off. So, what's the big deal, you scratched me and as far as the holes in my pant leg it's the style anyway! Could you do me a favor and get this side too?

Oh, with pleasure Slayer and he rolls toward Jakey in a weird attack that Jakey just shakes his head at as Jakey kind of leaps over it nonchalantly. They land on opposite ends again. So, That's two scratches Slayer. I'm tired of playing these games, that time you ran from me. Not really, unless you count that intense odor in your mouth driving me away, bro if you don't want to brush could you at least use some Binaca? How about at least a breath strip. Aww, never mind that just keep your mouth closed while I slay you! Gee, I need a better catch phrase than that. What was I thinking as I leap bringing down my scythes again and this time it meets the steel of Caleb's sword as he nonchalantly blocks the Slayer's thrusts with one hand and then sweeps Jakey's legs out from under him. Jakey rolls to his left and then to his right just missing being impaled twice as he back wards rolls and hand springs far enough away to regroup.

Leslie shakes off the mixed emotions of seeing the man who killed, who killed...never mind that...Jakey, walk away from this one he shouts out! No, I can take...Jakey thinks about it a second. Umm we can take him. Come on, I'm undefeated and if you got my back a little two on one. Caleb waves them in simply whispering to just bring it! Leslie grabs Jakey by the shoulder. No, we can't he's too strong even for the both of us. Oh, please, this dude, maybe I'll admit has a little bit more game than the other losers I've fought, but come on you make it sound like I have no chance as he charges at Caleb with his sword again he doesn't hear Leslie mouth the words... You have no chance! He shakes his head as he runs in hoping to at the least get his charge out of here alive.

Caleb yawns as he blocks two handed thrust after thrust with just one sword hand on his part. Oh, I see I'm starting to wear you down Jakey states disturbed at the Zombie's yawning but trying to cover it up. No, Slayer it just is giving me no pleasure. You aren't ready for this fight. I will have no pleasure killing you today. As a matter of fact if this is all you have I'm not sure I want to let you live to try to get stronger. What if this is all your ever going to have. I may as well ignore my master's order and simply kill you. As he uses two hands for the first time he drives Jakey back and lands a kick right into his midsection driving him further back and knocking the wind out of Jakey. Before Leslie can even land a blow with his sword the Zombie Prince delivers an on target spin kick disarming Leslie and driving him back. Oh, I thought I smelled your Watcher. You smell just like your father. He snickers. He tasted really good too, he mocks. He was not a zombie. No, your right, I never got to bite into his brain, but I got a bite out of him before he died, hahahaha...Jakey thrusts and this time a slash of Caleb's sword produces a light cut through his shirt and Jakey starts bleeding around his belly button area. Aww, did I give you a boo boo? Maybe I'll have to bite it and make it feel better. I wonder what you'll taste like? I never did get to bite your Grandfather after killing him. I don't understand. I mean Kane tells me you Slayer's and watcher's can't be turned into Zombies and then he keeps them for himself after I slay you guys.

Jakey's rage builds again as he weakly moves forward and like he's moving in mere slow motion Caleb continues to slash all over Jakey's body. Jakey is in agony as for the first time as he and Leslie gather some distance. Yes, that is the one good thing about you Slayers. You are better at running then me. Keep running. I've already killed your Grandfather and your Watcher's father. And before I even get to kill you just last week I got to kill this pretty little blond after turning her mother into a Zombie. Gee, I wonder what her name was? It was, gee what did her mom say it was? Oh, it was Chloey, no that's not, it. It was...it was...Zoe! Jakey answers back and he leaps and thrashes with extra fury. Yes, I see you do have maybe a little bit of passion, but you have no control and no fighting skills whatsoever gee I'm bored as he kicks at Jakey's leg and disarms him. He has the swords pointed right at Jakey as Leslie watches horror stricken. Caleb looks at the watcher and then back at Jakey. You are so lucky there is one more thing the Master has in store for you otherwise I'd do you right now, but just to let you know you wasted my time...

Caleb pressing down on top of the Slayer proceeds to pummel Jakey in the face repeatedly with hard shots. Jakey tries to cover up but every shot makes him weaker and weaker. Yes, I had fun killing your Grandfather. It...it...was easy...Caleb lied...And his watcher easy too. Of course your...heh, heh, heh, girlfriend, couldn't even hold on to that Axe of hers. Of course you know that. Jakey raged but every punch at his face leaving him more and more helpless on the ground seemed to drain the anger out of him. Yes, it was fun killing your girlfriend. Please grow a little bit stronger so I can have one last good fight. Jakey feels like he's floating around as he sees one more punch coming into his face and then the pain goes away.

--Commercial--

Jakey feels so good. So happy. Blissfully asleep. But something in the back of his mind says. Don't wake up or there will be pain. Finally painfully he struggles back to consciousness. Ummm, where am I? Leslie guides him back down on the pillow as Jakey winces. Owwwwww! Easy, Jakey easy. We were very lucky today. Lucky. I suppose your going to tell me that guy was pulling his punches. Leslie was about to do that when he looked into Jakey's eyes. He didn't want to scare the lad that much this soon. Jakey looked into Lesley's eyes. Oh, God he was pulling his punches! I guess the lucky punch theory would be out of the question too. Yes, it would be, but we both were still very lucky. He is the strongest active Zombie out there Jakey. That's why I didn't want you out there on patrol this early. You have to train. You need better fighting technique. You need to practice so much that your arms and feet know what their going to do before you do. He is old. He's been fighting and training for thousands of years. You can't fight someone like that out of High School. So, that's it then. We just give up. Game over. Wait till next season. No, we train. And we might not win the championship this season, but we're still going to win some games. Yeah wonderful. Nothing like winning meaningless games in a losing season Jakey grouched as Leslie applied special Slayer ointment that was quickly fading away the scars of the battle. Don't worry Jakey we'll get them. One day. And which day would that be Jakey asks knowing he won't get a good answer back.

--Somewhere In Death Valley, CA--

So when will that be?...M-master? Oh, we'll wait a little longer. Let the Slayer chase his shadow a little bit more and then. Yes and then we'll arrange a little date. Yes, I do believe, this will be your...ummmm 3rd date? 4th actually! I wonder how my Jakey will like me now? Zoe says as she cackled with her white tinged golden locks sticking straight up into the air as she looked at a cracked mirror. Yes I wonder indeed. Ha, ha, ha, ha!

The end of episode and chapter 3!

Epilogue 3:

So, what do you think about casting Hanna Montana as Zoronda Princess of the Underworld Jakey asks the casting agent. Oh, she's pretty popular with young girls and of course guys will watch her because she's cute. And on top of that it will probably be her first acting gig and we can market around that too. So, I guess you'll make the offer to her manager? Yeah, but first we'll have to start prepping for our fake Zoronda first as we need to find someone to play her in the shadows and maybe if she sounds and looks a little like Hanna Montana it might even be better yet. That sound like a good idea you do that. Jake Ryan walks away worried. The school year was about to begin soon. I can't believe my parents are actually making me go to an actual school. I mean on one hand I would love to meet new people and friends and be treated like everyone else. But man it's not like my home school teacher would be giving me crap if I don't finish my homework on time.

Finally got my homework done. I can't believe we actually got homework from our teacher's over vacation. Yeah there should be a law Lilly, a law that thou shalt not assign homework during a school break ever. Ever! Ollie aren't you forgetting something? She looks at him with that knowing looks of hers as she head bobs towards the tv. Oh, that yeah! I was so worried about this homework which had to be done before I could watch Zombie High that I almost missed seeing it. Lilly isn't this show great? I don't know about that. Oh, so you hate it? No, it's just I like watching Jake Ryan move. I don't really care that much about the show. Isn't he dreamy? Oliver stares at Lilly stunned. Oh, come on you know they fake that for television. He can't possibly look that good. As Oliver lifts up his arm and makes a muscle. Lilly feels it and giggles. Where is it?

--To Be continued--

--Preview for next episode--

The Buffy/Zombie High Crossover as Special guest stars Sarah Michelle Gellar and David Boreanaz team up with Jakey to slay...see ya next time.

Author's note: And then the Zoe two parter is coming after that one.


End file.
